The QLC Pit Stop

Sudden Surge of Anger

2010-11-03T04:02:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be angry at him anymore. Really. I recently decided that I should just live with what happened and that I should just turn the anger into vapor... because in the first place, I know better than him (Thanks to my original gym buddy for saying that to me).

Well, just now, I realized the anger just went down to my sub-conscious. I was like having a one-sided battle during today's session. 'Insulting' his initiative at cleaning the equipment -- showing an upset face (taas ang isang kilay, salubong ang dalawang kilay, you know how it looks like) because he didn't get MY alcohol and placed two rags on the armrest so that the stinky smell with not stick to me (which I do not like because the rags look like a gazillion liters of sweat has dried up there) and turning up Lukas' volume to give him a hard time communicating with me. Which left his brother staring at me in disbelief.

Oh and not to mention how I answered him when he told me that he will not be there for a morning session.

Him: Wala ulit ako ng umaga bukas. Sa hapon na ulit ang balik ko.

Me: Not affected.

Him: Ha? Ano?

Me: NOT AFFECTED.

Which left everybody, yes including his brother (haha), glancing at me in disbelief (Cos they know how things between us went before the so-called fading out).

OMG! What is happening to me?! These 'mood swings' have been on my neck for the past month! I need my shrink aka my bestfriend!

Hot Potato

2010-10-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

I refused to accept the fact that I am hurt with what is happening in my social life right now. I told myself for the past two weeks that I was just irritated but deep inside of me, I am also hurt.

I was a victim of a classic playboy.

It makes me cry.

All I wanted was to create a new network because you see, receiving education in the Metro gave me limited friends in my hometown. Okay so maybe I was too friendly and he saw a different sign. But like I posted, IN ALL HONESTY I DID NOT FLIRT.

I refused to accept the fact that I am hurt because I feel like I do not have a single right to feel that because nothing that is officially special happened between us.

He assumed too much and it hurts me.

I am hurt because of the "silent fall out".

I am hurt because I feel that he "collected" me.

I am hurt because I feel like I lost a friend.

I am hurt because of the tension between us and I wish that everything will be back to normal. But I don't want to wish every single day because I don't want to give false hopes to myself and it will lead to more hurting.

Everything was so sudden and it hurts me.

I feel like a dropped hot potato.

October's Emotional Outbursts

2010-10-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

I was (and still is) vulnerable to emotional outbursts since the opening of the past week. Everything just seems to stress me out and it makes a great pre-requisite for an outburst. It's extra hard to cope with my "shoulders" missing in action.

My latest thoughts/QLC's:

1. After three years, I still refuse to believe that he does not have any regrets when things ended between us.

2. Why is that there are times that I still miss him and I always remind myself to stop that kind of foolishness because for all I know, I am the last person to ever cross his mind.

3. Things between us has already ended. I refused to go back to square one. So why do I sometimes wish to start all over again with him.

4. Do I always look at the long term effects and ignore the short term effects that's why I let go of my chance at happiness with him?

5. Am I just imagining that there's tension between a new friend and myself? I can feel that he is keeping his distance from me. I'd totally understand if he wants to do that (he has a girlfriend and he needs to take care of that relationship) but I don't consider myself as a threat.

I may have wanted to flirt with him in the past and I may seem to have done that. IN ALL HONESTY, I did not flirt! Because when I saw his posts in English... desire level went extremely negative (call me bad now! haha).

6. Regarding to thought number 5, I just don't like how we're giving the cold-ish treatment to each other cos it was so sudden. I feel like I'm just following his lead when it comes to interacting with him that's why I can't turn back the wheel to its original position even if I wanted to. We're not the best of friends to talk things out.

So there.

Whew!

Thanks to the person who invented blogs. It made me feel not a whole better but it somehow helped me in dealing with my emotional outbursts.

A Genuine Smile is Like Diarrhea.. it makes my knees weak.

2010-03-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

It was agreed between me, myself and I that he, let's call him BT, is just for practice -- a simple flirting exercise only. Nothing more, nothing less. I even contemplated on that thought for over 2 months or so.

Here's the story on how I failed on that exercise.

So there I was on the first day of the exercise, entering the fitness room you call gym with my usual stuff that everyone should avoid bringing inside the gym. Water bottle hanging on my right thumb, towel and iPod on my right hand, little purse hanging on my left wrist and something else I can't remember on my left hand. What I'm trying to say is that I can't open the glass door leading to the gym. BT is seated on his usual seat by the door talking with his partner in everyday crime, Man Number 1.

Oh crap! BT and Man Number 1 are two great examples of a modern-day gentleman. They just looked at me and continued talking with each other. You know what, they were probably thinking, "San kaya to pupunta? Magshashopping?"

Anyway! Taking into consideration that my hands are full, I pushed the door (which by the way says PULL) with my barely-there butt. I stood in front of BT and Man Number 1 for quite some time till I got the mini-candies out of my little purse.

When I finally got one out of my purse, I threw one to Man Number 1. BT kept on talking to him and didn't notice to throw one mini-candy to him too. OH POOR mini-candy...fell on the floor.

"Naman e!" I said.

"Uy! Sorry. Slow e." BT said.

Then the cause of my failure came.

BT said thank you. BT gave out something genuine... something that only chosen (in my point of view) guys have... something like diarrhea.

BT, by the way, is not one of those chosen guys. As I have said, he was just for practice. But it turned out he was one of the chosen guys who possesses that something.

I never expected it to be so genuine and so beautiful.

Anyhoooots! Soooooo he said thank you...

And...

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

BT smiled.

Yes, his smile is like my drummer boy's smile. It's like diarrhea. It made my knees weak.

Total fail!

January QLC

2010-01-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

Tama si Marilou Diaz-Abaya nang sabihin nyang "Weeks after reading the novel, Ricky Lee's characters continue to haunt me..." sa kanyang blurb para sa nobelang Para Kay B na isinulat ni Ricky Lee.

Maganda ang nobela. Sa katunayan nga, binili ko ang libro kagabi at pag-uwi ko'y kalahati na agad ang nabasa ko bago ako tuluyang makatulog. Lahat ng emosyong nadama ng mga tauhan ay nadama ko din.

Pumaloob sa akin ang takot at ang realidad na ang TV ay malakas ang kakayahang diktahan tayo ng kung ano ang dapat madama sa bawat sitwasyon... at sa nobelang ito ang sitwasyon ay ang pag-ibig. Ang takot na aking nadama ay patungkol sa pag-ibig.

Ang hirap kasi sa pagbabasa ng kahit anong nobela ay hindi ito nagbibigay ng kahit anong babala... kung tatamaan ka, hindi ka talaga makakaiwas. Tinamaan ako, one way or the other, habang binabasa ko kaya ako natakot.

Sabi sa nobela, "...hindi mo puwedeng mahalin ang isang tao nang hindi mo minamahal ang hilaga, silangan, timog at kanluran ng kanyang mga paniniwala. Kapag nagmahal ka'y dapat mong tanggapin bawat letra ng kanyang birth certificate. Kasa na doon ang kanyang libag, utot at bad breath."

Iyon ang hindi ko nagawa (sa kasalukuyan, ito ang number one sa list of regrets ko) at hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko yun sa mga susunod kong papasukan. Pero alam kong kelangan kong magawa iyon kung gusto kong lumigaya.

Pagkatapos kong basahin ang nobela, hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip na sana isa na lang akong tauhan sa isang nobela o di kaya'y sana isa na lang akong writer at ako din ang nagsusulat ng sarili kong kwento.

At least kung tauhan ako, kung maisipan ng writer na bigyan ako ng happy ending (na kadalasan nama'y ginagawa ng mga manunulat dahil sa convention), e di thank you! Parang overrated na teleserye lang.

At kung writer naman ng sarili kong kwento, kung may may mali akong nagawa o maling desisyong nabitawan, puwedeng puwede kong itong i-revise. Pipindutin ko lang ang backspace key, maiiba na ang ikot ng buhay ko, parang Bedtime Stories lang.

Pero... hindi iyon ang paraan para mahanap ang tunay na kaligayahan. Mas masarap pa ding mabuhay ng "no revisions allowed, all answers are final" dahil iyon lang ang tanging paraan upang matuto tayo.

Kung walang nagkakamali, walang natututo. 'Yan ang inihahatid sa akin ng nobela.

In all fairness, sobrang totoo ang blurb ni Marilou Diaz-Abaya. Hindi ako makakagawa ng post tungkol sa nobelang Para Kay B ni Ricky Lee kung hindi nanuot sa akin ang buong pagkatao ng mga tauhan ng nobela.

(waw in Filipino! Refreshing post ito para sa akin!)

23 on 23 Thank You's

2010-01-30T06:46:00.000-08:00

Better late than never.

Last week was my 23rd birthday. 23 on 23! I was sick but the whole week was filled with little celebrations of life. My birthday week was made special by lot of people.

My birthday gift came in way too early. Thanks Mom and Dad. I'll soak up the sun on the 26th of Feb. I hope I'll get fried.

Thank you, Teacher Tricia for the chocolate. Thank you for knowing that I cannot live without chocolates especially after each meal. Thank you for making my Wednesday extra insane. Bwahaha! I will never forget that!

Thank you, Teacher Janine for the pomelos! We had fun taking pictures and munching on it after. The best pomelos that I have eaten came from you!

Thank you, Teacher Shell for spending your Thursday lunch with us. You made my birthday extra special because you haven't been eating lunch with us for the longest time.

Thank you, Chia for being my gym buddy. It made my gym (not work out according to Jaypee) visits fun. (The words extra fun is reserved for... LOL!) Thank you for making me jologs. You are the true jologs queen of my life. *Well, well, that's really something...huuuuh!* Thank you for the Commuting 101 lessons. Thank you for loving me too much... I don't deserve it. *yes parang Cinema One lang!*

My gratitude to Cha and Jade are beyond words. They are the only ones who can stick to my insanely way of coping with my QLCs and my never-ending-torpe-highschoolish-kilig moments. You make my whole year round super duper extra special. Basta beyond words. :)

And to all those who greeted me (Gosh! There are tons of you, guys!)... I am giving you a giant bear hug and loads of kisses. :)

To Ate and the rest of her barkada... thank you for spending the eve of my birthday with me unknowing that it's my birthday. Bwahaha! It's always fun to meet new people.

And so there. I won't pretend and say that I did not forget anyone.

THANK YOU EVERYBODY!

2010 Year-Opener

2010-01-01T03:36:00.001-08:00

If I have a year-ender post, I must have a year-opener post too. :p

January 1, 2010.

Oh hello, brand new year.

Thank you for pushing the fact that I exactly have 22 days left before I turn 23.

You pushed it too much.

Thank you for telling me that there's 2 more days left on my paid vacation. I don't want to report to work yet. But I am more than willing to report to the gym (tee-hee).

Again, I'll wish for the impossible. May we have a CLEAN ELECTIONS this year.

May this year be full of blessings and may this year be also filled with efforts on saving Mother Earth.

Happy 2010 everyone!

2009 Year-Ender

2009-12-30T05:10:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm too lazy to blog this year but it won't keep me from having a year-ender post.

This year have been full of realizations and meaningful conversations shared between family and friends. Not to mention my whirlwind US trip last November, which I looked forward to since April this year. And who can ever forget 'Ondoy'... the effing a-hole. :p

Early this year, it was a sad moment when it was proven to me that someone who I treated so nicely (and who I believed to be a dear friend) for a long time has "ditched" me/us and have spoke not-so-good things about me to other people. The sad truth is, I'd rather not care anymore. This is life, people may come and go but you'll soon realize that you are lucky enough to have good friends who'll stay by your side, sane or insane mode.

Oh thank God for giving me my Gossip Bears. They can slap me with the truth and still know that no matter how insane I can get, they'd still love me for who I am and who I am not. They helped me understand that I have to accept myself inside out after the whirlwind ride from the pedestal where I was standing going downstairs towards humility.

Now I understand why US-based Filipinos will always want to come back to their home country. Sa pagkain pa lang, gugustuhin mo na umuwi. So three weeks in the US is not a long time. But it is for me! I enjoyed my three-week visit but it was also hard for me. I cannot live away from my friends. I have to have constant communication with them! I'll go insane if I will not be able to communicate with them! I need my daily dose of gossip! Lol. Oh thank you for Facebook and YM!

I also missed authentic Filipino food while I was there. I had a month long craving for piping hot taho that is sold in the streets. I had a craving for turon and I was in a state of euphoria when our SFO host brought us to the lone Filipino store in Alameda where turon worth a whopping $1 is being sold!

It was even harder for me when I realized that I gained 9lbs in 2 weeks last November... yes 9lbs... 2 weeks. That's why I'm working out now and have lost all that 9lbs and I'm working on losing more! :)

Ondoy. Ondoy. Ondoy! YOU EFFING A-HOLE! Haha. Kidding aside... No words can express the grief that our Nation felt during that time. The feeling of gratitude towards God is also beyond words. May we take our parts in saving Mother Earth so massive floods will be prevented from now on.

What a year, 2009 was! Even though I am hesitant to bid 2009 goodbye, I still must say hello to 2010. Let the bad feelings be put in the backseat and let us face the brand new year with great hopes and high spirits.

What does 2010 have for me? What is in store for us?

Happy new year everyone! Let's all have a blessed 2010!

PS. Vote wisely. Change is in our hands. :)

Single is Sexy

2009-07-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

I cannot run away from the times where I question myself why I am still single. Can you believe it?! At the age of 22, I am asking myself that! I am not a NBSB type of girl. One answer to that question is, I am a self-declared workaholic so as expected I do not go out a lot.

A month or so of QLC-ing about this did not go to the trash bin. I had a productive month in that aspect. I have realized some things about it. To sum it all up...

-I self-declared that I was left with almost nothing from the last relationship I was in. I have to learn to love myself again. Darn, why can't I just listen to the lines in those cheesy movies? "When you love, make sure you leave some for yourself." I give that advice to my friends but I

was the one who did not follow it! Drat!

Loving myself all over again means accepting my "perfections" alongside my flaws.

Nobody is beautiful without the flaws, anyway. Flaws are part of what makes you beautiful.

I have to learn to love myself again because if I can't then I won't be able to love people for who they are, who they are no and who they want to be.

Sexiness in this entry is not about the looks. It's about the realizations I have been through and the realizations I will encounter while I am still single. I hope not to remain one of course but being single is happy (though sometimes lonely) and sexy.

I know this entry does not have any structure. WTH! I'm just free writing. :p

Sunday is Bloomwood Day

2009-04-25T05:57:00.000-07:00

Who can ever forget the funny Rebecca Bloomwood from Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic Series?

My sister and I have this habit of going to a nearby mall after lunch on Sundays. Basically not to buy something but for practical reasons... especially during summer season. We wanted to save on electricity so instead of turning our air-conditioning units on full blast while watching some freaking Sunday afternoon show, we get up on our feet and go to a nearby mall.

We always just have one agenda -- to just feel the coldness of the mall's almost-wintry climate. But being a shopaholic just runs through our veins. We can't help it. While strolling, we see some fab tops, fab jeans, fab skirts... and the list goes on.

We see it then we go straight to the fitting room. Then we look at ourselves in the mirror and ask the opinion of each other. When one says "That looks great!", the wallet is sure to open.

Then we see a red sign that says, "SALE" posted on Body Shop's window. We check out their make-ups. We try it on our faces and constantly ask the saleslady for a tissue. Just like Rebecca Bloomwood, we always justify our purchases. It may sound weird to some people but for us it's always "We need it.". Well, that reason always comes in when we are buying cosmetics.

Then just before our favorite "chismis" show begins, we go home. On the ride home, we imagine ourselves using what we bought. We are just like the Asian version of Rebecca Bloomwood. Oh and we are also the bargain version of Rebecca Bloomwood.

We are relaxed by shopping. Even by window shopping. We are even more relaxed on bargain purchases.

Come to think of it, we are addicted to shopping but we don't need therapy.

Marley and Me... and Me

2009-04-04T06:22:00.000-07:00

I have neglected my blog for quite some time already. With all the stress I have been through, I honestly did not have any time to write. Moving-up day caused a lot of stress and the school moving out added to that.

So I told myself that during my vacation, I will make sure that I'll have quality time with myself. Here I am, being a couch potato and will be a couch potato for the rest of my vacation which will last for a week.

I recently watched Marley and Me, the much talked about film on my favorite radio show -- Good Times With Mo. They said that it's a tear jerker. My office mate, the Queen Bee Tricia (hehehe) said that it really IS a tear jerker. I believed her much more than I believed the DJs (hahaha).

At first I was disappointed because I found the story slow-moving but then again this might be caused by my asking for leaks from Tricia. Anyhoots, it's fun watching Marley grow up with the Grogans. I can totally relate because I, myself, treat all our dogs like the Grogans treated Marley.

I started crying when Marley first got sick. I worried with the Grogans. I was also happy when Marley went home. My tears stopped for a while when their lives went back to normal. Then my tears are starting to well up when Marley and John (was that John? Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong) sat down on a hill. Finally, I was crying like hell when they decided to let Marley go.

The last scenes of the film keeps on ringing in my head. Up to now, the home-made films of Marley happily playing with the family, John thanking Marley for becoming a part of their lives, the meds slowly going down to Marley's veins, Marley closing his eyes and his funeral still pinches my heart and makes me cry a lot!

In this film I have realized that dogs sometimes surpass human abilities. They can give you unconditional love which humans cannot fully do.

I saw that in my own dogs after watching Marley and Me.

How To Be In Love Like The Fab PMSA

2009-03-01T04:55:00.000-08:00

How To Be Like The Fab PMSA when it comes to men:

1. Hate men like you hate Bjork's Swan outfit

2. Torture men like the way you would torture the person wearing the most awful outfit you've seen in your entire life

3. View them as the inferior sex... 24/7

4. Do NOT ask men to carry your bag unless it will ruin your outfit and poise

5. If a man you don't like bought you a drink, raise one eyebrow, return the drink, smile and say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I can buy my own. I EARN my own money."

But acknowledge the fact that you need men in life... soooo the next list is all about...

How To Be Like The Fab PMSA when it comes to loving a man:

1. Be head over heels in love with him

2. Buy him the things he want or at least try to buy it

3. Flirt with other men just to make him jealous

4. See things in black and white

5. Believe that he's also head over heels in love with you

How To Be Like The Fab PMSA when it comes to BREAK-UPS:

1. Cry like there's no tomorrow for a night

2. ... then deny to everybody including yourself that you're in pain.

3. ... then after the nth month, declare that you haven't moved on at all

4. Repeat number 1 but bring your tears at work

5. Divert your attention... do anything from sneaking into other people's Facebook or Friendster account to going out with friends just for old times' sake and to dedicating yourself to work for at least a week

Just please do NOT imitate this habit of mine when I'm recovering from stress or emotional aches: EAT all the comfort foods you can think of in one day.

Flip-Flopping Faces

2009-02-24T04:44:00.000-08:00

My amount of irritation today reached a new level. Moving up day is like 3 weeks away and I, together with the fab co-teacher, haven't taught any dance steps yet. Why? It's just because of a series of unfortunate events... but not really.

Okay so the bosses sent their usb containing the videos of the dance steps just last week. There's about 6 videos in it and we were only able to open 2 videos. So now, the bosses put in a file of a media player in my usb but unfortunately, AHEM AHEM, I am using MAC and of course, it cannot be opened in my lappy. Yea yea I know I can switch to Windows but then again I don't want to pull my brains out to do that. I am too harassed the past few weeks and I WILL NOT harass myself just because of that.. and after all, Mackie is my dad's grad gift to me so they don't have any right to force me to open those files using Mackie.

Okay, so I am really getting stressed today. Can I give someone 2 pairs of Havainas-Hi slap on the face? I can't be stressed! It's cancerous!

What To Do To Cope Up With Stress Given By Bosses:

1. Wish that you could use your favorite pair of flip-flops to give them a slap on the face.

2. Imagine that you are in a soap opera, like TGIS and give your bosses the role of the maid who always serve you and your friends the MOST ORANGEY of all sugar-loaded orange juice drink.

3. Blackmail them by waving your resignation letter in their faces cos you know they will have a hard time getting new employees.

4. Say this to them in your most ice-cold tone: "Oh! I'm sorry. I'm using MAC."

5. Go to the pantry or anywhere where the bosses cannot see or hear you with your closest officemate and talk about how they look, how awful their clothes are and how they deny their mistakes. Then put a lot of pins on their picture/s.

But of course, all flip-floppers should always keep in mind that they are professionals. So the best way to cope with stress given by bosses is to keep your cool in front of them and scream at the top of your lungs all those awful words that you have been keeping by the time they go out of the office.

The Original Tsinelas Gang

2009-02-23T04:02:00.000-08:00

This gang is unintentionally born. We are all blood related in this gang. We are cousins. So why of all names did we choose Tsinelas Gang?

We all love tsinelas or flip-flops. It all started with Birkenstock. When it was the most fabulous thing ten years ago, we all got one. When Havainas came here in the Philippines, we all lined up to have one.

Whenever there are parties or family get-togethers, we are wearing our official footwear. Even our Moms and Dads decided to join the tsinelas frenzy and bought their own pairs.

Whenever we are visiting each other, of course like any other Filipino family, we leave our flip-flops by the front door before entering the house. The front door of our houses would always look like an All Flip-Flops store because of the number of flip-flop pairs that you can see outside.

Now, I have taken the Tsinelas Gang into a whole new level... virtual world! So if you adore flip-flops, please do join the Tsinelas Gang! :)

Cheers, fellow Flip-floppers! :)

Flip-Flops Mania

2009-02-22T07:28:00.001-08:00

Here in this country, it's summer all year long. That is why we, Filipinos, love flip-flops so much. You can see us wearing flip flops or tsinelas every single day of our lives. May it be an alpombra, beach walk, islander or the ever-famous Havaianas.

We adore flip-flops. That became a reason why the biggest All Flip-Flops store in the world can be found here in the Philippines! The moment we step inside any All Flip-Flops store, the mops should all be on stand-by because we all drool over flip-flops (Jambora, A 2006).

I am a flip-flops lover. I own about five pairs of Havainas and I know that is still a small number but it's still growing in numbers! If I can wear flip-flops on a formal function, I will! I practically wear my flip-flops everywhere. I wear it at work and in school. I wear it while strolling in the mall, not in the park because there's a lot of pollution over here, enough for the soles of my feet to turn black after a 5 to 10 minute walk. Even if the nail polish on my toes are all chipped off, I would still wear my flip-flops but I won't go as far as the malls on it! What horror will that be!

There's no stopping a Filipino in wearing flip-flops. For us, it's the most comfortable foot wear in the world! Living in a tropical country surrounded by fab beaches, who wouldn't want to wear a tsinelas or a flip flop?

Cheers to all flip-flop lovers and flip-flop lover wanna-bes!

reference: Jambora, A (2006). World's Biggest Flip-Flop Store Opens In Taguig, Inquirer.Net. http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/lifestyle/lifestyle/view_article.php?article_id=38708